Monday, December 22, 2008

Family Folktales: The Kohl's Jacket Story

New category time! This one we'll call the "Family Folktale." You know - it's all those stories that moms and dads, grandmas and grandpas, aunts and uncles tell over and over and over again - so many times that you start to wonder if they really did happen - or if they're just urban legends.

Perfect example: the time I got shoved down a grain chute at my grandparents' farm by my cousins... but that's a story for another time...

The point of Family Folktales is to capture these stories soon after they happen to prove that Mommy really is not making this stuff up in front of your friends, or grossly exagerating (as Mommy is sometimes prone to do...), but that the events recounted actually did take place in the manner I describe.

So, our first foray into Family Folktales has quickly come to be known as "The Kohl's Jacket Story." This story has been told so many times since it happened that I swore I had blogged about it... but I had not. So here goes:

It was early November, and Daddy was out of town on a business trip. Mommy actually got out of work on time and was able to pick you up a little after 4 p.m. So, we had a little time before dinner. Mommy, always an early Christmas shopper, decided that we could go to Kohl's to try and find sheets for your cousin Ellie for Christmas.

(Editor's note: No, I'm not a horrible aunt who only buys practical things for presents. Ok, well maybe I do buy practical things for presents... but they are certainly always appreciated. And Ellie asked for sheets, anyway... but I digress...)

It was unseasonable warm for November, so you were wearing only a light jacket... the one pictured above, to be exact. Your pink and pink Carter's jacket we bought at Costco last year. Perfect little jacket - not to heavy, but nice and warm.
Anyway, we walk into Kohl's and you promptly remove your jacket, shove it in the bottom of the cart, and climb in for a ride. Kohl's has weird shopping carts -- more like a giant bag on wheels with a seat on the front, so it's easy for things to go out of sight out of mind... (you can see where this is going, can't you?)
When we get to the girls' clothing section (because, like the swallows returning to Capistrano, I can't go to Kohl's without scouring the girls' clothing section for sales... because you need clothes...), you jump out of the cart to look at purses. Then, another mommy was pushing her cart by, so very nicely pushed our cart about a millimeter so she could pass. All of a sudden, you were like a mama grizzly defending her young: "Mommy, that lady is going to take our cart!"
"No, Molly - she's just moving it a little to..."
"No - she's going to take it!"
And with that, you grabbed the cart and start pulling it through the tiny aisles - rolling over fallen clothing and lord knows what else - all in order to save our cart.
Well, fast forward through the rest of the Kohl's visit: found clothes for Molly, no sheets for Ellie. Check out. Then say, "Ok, Molly - where's your coat?"
"In the cart."
Look in the cart - no coat.
Molly had liberated the wrong cart.
"Oh no, we've lost your coat, Molly."
And with that, my poor little puppy dog droops her head and tail, looking very forlorn. "Oh, it's ok, sweetie. Let's go see if we can find it."
We rush back to the kids' section. Don't see a coat or any stray carts. I start to explain my story to the woman at the service counter, who's looking at me with every word like I'm a crazed lunatic. Coat in cart... thought some other woman was going to take it... grabbed wrong cart. But then a very nice woman told us she was closing that night and would be happy to call us if she found it.
As we walked out the door to the van, you were so sad. It was like we had lost Chompers or Humphrey. I couldn't yet at you -- it was an honest mistake. And you really felt awful about it.
"Are you ok, Molly?"
"Why did we lose my coat?"
"Well, we just grabbed the wrong cart, that's all, sweetie."
"Mommy, why don't you have a second coat at home just like that coat just in case I lost it?"
And with that punch line, the Kohl's Jacket Story was born.
You were bummed all night. Thankfully, Tracy from Kohl's called during bath. She had found your jacket. HOORAY!
The next day at school when I dropped you off, I shared the story with Ms. Kelley and your friend Ellie's mom. Later that day, you recounted the harrowing tale for Ms. Kelley and Ms. Cindy, the school owner. You asked her, "Ms. Cindy, do you have a second coat in case your kids lose theirs?" And what did Ms. Cindy reply? "Of course I do, Molly!"
So, I told Daddy we need a house that's twice as big since I now need two of everything... just in case.


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